Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
