I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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