she takes plan B like it's going out of style
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
