WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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