i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
