I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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