Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
