so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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