Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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