i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Randomize
