I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
