my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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