I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
