I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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