What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
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After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
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For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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