i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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