i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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