don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
