i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
wow bdsm is so cute
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
