apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
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thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
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You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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