In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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