Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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