I could have mohawked her pubes.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
In other news, I just burned my penis
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
