I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Randomize
