apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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