I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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