I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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