We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize