these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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