Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
