why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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