week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
So vagazzling was a success
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
