I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Can I color on your dick again?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
