twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
