I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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