u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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