He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
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You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
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ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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