I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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