why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
