Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
