Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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