it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
