he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
