And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
