Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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