Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
