Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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