woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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