I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
