I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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