You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
This show inspires me to have sex in space
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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