I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
