20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
