Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
