i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
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