roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Help me help you realize you are a moron
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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