I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
