The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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