So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
