I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
this hospital has no fireball
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
