"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
