I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
