i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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