Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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