sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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