he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
