ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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