I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
