AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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