Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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