i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Ladies don't puke and tell
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
