my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
