You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
