Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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