You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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