Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
