Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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