Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
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"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
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Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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