There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
