I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
