How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
