if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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