Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
