where does the pee come out of this thing
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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