playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
