I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
